Friday, June 29, 2012

How I Am Feeling

What I Needed

You know these past few years have been filled with up and downs when it comes to my weight loss journey. There are times when I am consistant with my eating (rarely) and workouts (almost always) and there are times when I am not.

There are days when I feel powerful, lean and strong and days when I feel like a fatty and I am depressed. I mostly get depressed or upset with myself because I know I am settling. I know I have more to give and I know I CAN reach my goals.

BUT I also have to understand that I have came a long way. I have also done it in a healthy manner. I have learned to eat well and also exercise properly. During the past year I have learned so much about myself and my struggles.

I feel that every bit of effort has not been in vain. I am where I am at this point because I put in the work. I don't have a trainer or a workout partner to push me....I push myself. I have to give myself credit for that.

I get up day after day with the determination to be my best. Somedays don't go so well but hey I tried. I am moving slowly towards my goals but I am moving towards them and that matters a lot.

I have not quit or given up. I am still determined to reach my goals and be proud of finally having the body I deserve to have. Up to this point I have only seen a shadow of my potential but I am about to see the whole enchilada soon. :)

I am excited!

Tabata Inferno

I bought a workout DVD program over a year ago. It is kind of the generic form of P90X. It's called Supreme 90. It incorporates lots of weight training but also has some cardio DVDs. I have done all of the weight training ones before but never did the Tabata Inferno workout because I lived upstairs. I didn't want to annoy my downstairs neighbor.

Well I tried it yesterday and let me tell you I was dying. I don't know how long that workout was but it felt like an eternity. I put a link above to explain what Tabata training is about. Basically is was a group of circuits that lasted 4 minutes each.

Some circuits had 4 exercises and others had 2. Each exercise was performed for 20 seconds with 10 minute rest before the next move. The 4 exercise circuits were repearted 2 times....the 2 exercise circuit were repeated 4 times. After each circuit there was a 1 minute rest until the next torture session. The DVD was about 44 minutes long.

The circuits included: jump squats, jump lunges, wide and narrow pushups, squats w/ shoulder presses, wood chops, bicycle crunches, press ups, high knees, and I don't know what other craziness. I was too busy trying not to pass out..LOL!

It was definitely challenging but I loved it. My only problem with the workout was the instructor. He wouldn't shut up and you can tell he didn't have a script....he was just freestyling. If you can tune out his annoying comments then this workout is amazing.

After my workout I did some stretching. I NEEDED IT! Then I did 2 supersets for my arms. I did Zottoman Curls (15 reps) and Hammer Curls with holds (12 reps). Then I did skull crushers (15 reps) and dips (12 reps). I did 4 sets of each superset. Ummm ya...needless to say it was super challenging and my muscles where burning. :) I am don't want chicken wings or bingo wings so I am putting in work. :)

I had a great workout and look forward to another amazing workout today. :) See you tomorrow!

Thursday, June 28, 2012


Consecrated: to make or declare sacred; set apart or dedicate to the service of a deity.

For most of my life I looked for validation and acceptance. I so desperately wanted to be loved. I looked for it in relationships and often felt so unworthy.

"The woman saith unto him, Sir, give me this water, that I thirst not, neither come hither to draw." John 4:15

Just as the Samaritan woman is John 4, I was going to well after well trying to quench my thirst. I was thirsty for love. Nothing could satisfy the desire I had to be loved and feel love.

Until I met God this life was filled with empty buckets that left me feeling disatisfied. I knew that there was something deeper that I was missing.

The part that I was missing was the love I had for myself. I had no self worth because I allowed the circumstances in my life to define me.

I allowed the childhood abuse, neglect and infedility to drown me beneath the feelings of self pity and defeat. I didn't feel worthy to be love therefore how could my desire truly be quenched.

After years of searching for love I have learned to love myself. God's uncondtional love has embraced me and given me a safe place to be myself. To live true to my convictions and beliefs. I no longer need anyone to validate who I am.

I have decided to consecrate myself for the glory of God. Rather than seek the love of a man I will love myself. In God's perfect time He will give me what I need when I need it.

My life is dedicated to fulfilling the will of God and for the time being I am consecrated....set apart for His purpose. I will honor and respect my mind, body and soul for His service.

Whatever He sees fit for my life I trust in Him. I acknowledge that my life is not really my own. I was created to bring God glory. Every adversity and emotion I have ever felt was all a part of His master plan. So I surrender my will and seek His sovereignty.

As with anything in your life....there are times when you have to stop and take a second look. You must analyze what you are truly seeking after. I most certainly guarantee that it can be found in God.

"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." Matthew 6:33

"For in him we live, and move, and have our being; as certain also of your own poets have said, For we are also his offspring." Acts 17:28

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

I Can Only Be Me

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” Dr. Seuss

I admire a lot of the writing styles of many of my fellow bloggers. Some have that tell it like it is way of saying things. Others are funny storytellers that engage you with every word and make you want to come back for more.

I have tried to make my blog more universal but I have to be true to myself. I understand that some of my ways of thinking may be out there, too spiritual, maybe too religious or a little crazy but I have to be real. I have to walk and speak my own truth.

I know that I might not ever have the big following that I wish my blog would have but that's okay. I didn't start this blog out to be popular. I created this blog to document my journey and maybe inspire others.

So what it all boils down to is I will only be real to myself. I am not trying to impress anyone. I am only trying to make the best of what I am given. If I feel inspired to write something that is a little controversial or too out there I am going to do it.

I read something on another blog that made me think about things a little different.

"Sorry..I am not sorry"

That's as simple as it gets. I am not sorry for not being "normal" sometimes...LOL! I am not sorry for sharing what is on my heart. I am not sorry for boring you with my daily activities, food journal, or workout routine.

I am doing what feels right for me. This blog may not be for everyone but it's for someone and for that someone THIS truth may be what sets them free. :)

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Settling In

Lately I have been taking it easy since getting sick almost 2 weeks ago. I am at a different place in my life where I feel I am growing into myself. If that makes any sense to you. I feel like I am learning how to accept my body and that is a great feeling. I am more at peace with where I am. I am not settling for where I am but I am accepting it in a loving way and moving forward from there.

This is a new place for me and I am being careful to stay in it. I have decided to kind of do a spiritual fasting to keep my mind focused and positive. I decided to refrain from doing activities that distract me from dealing with things. I turned off my cable at home which causes me to spend more time enjoying life. Then I decided to refrain from my personal Facebook account for a little while.

Since shutting off my cable I have learned to relax more and engage more with my daughter. We spend more quality time watching movies, doing our nails, talking about life and playing silly games. It is actually a very nice feeling not to be caught up in the world at this moment.

My daughter, although she misses TV at times, actually loves it too. She gets bored at times since she is on summer break but likes the quality time we get to spend together. Having this quiet time in my life has really helped me a lot with silencing my emotions.

I have been able to just be at peace and allow my thoughts enough room to express themselves. I feel that at times we allow certain activites to get in the way of truly dealing with things in our lives. We waste our time drowning out the voices in our head with meaningless preoccupations.

So I am taking this time to really settle into myself. To become more aware of my surroundings, deal with emotions, silence my doubts and make room for my future. I am finishing up projects I have not completed and creating new ones.

Update on my workouts:

I was really bored with the thought of working out with a DVD yesterday so I decided to make up my own circuit training routine. I put on my radio and blasted my favorite CD. I thought I would just be lifting some dumbbells but decided to take my workout to my back patio.

I live in a townhome so my back patio is pretty big and allows room for a good workout. I started off with 3 minutes of jump rope. Then I decided to use my brothers punching bag that he left at my house. I laid it on the floor and started pounding it with my gloves. That really engaged my abs and worked up my heartrate pretty quickly.

I did 100 reps of jabs and hooks and then jumped over the bag 10 times. That completed one set. I repeated that 3 times. Boy did that get my heart pumping. I was gasping for breath. Next I did 3 sets of 10 pushups and 25 dips on the bag.

The next circuit was the most intense. I did squats while lifting up one side of the bag. I did 25 reps. Then I did 25 mountain climbers with my hands on the bag and feet on the ground bringing my knees all the way up to the bag. I did 3 sets of that circuit.

Then I put the bag on a chair against the wall and did 100 alternating jabs and hooks while in a static squat position. I did 3 sets of that exercise.

I felt pretty good after I was done because I LOVE boxing and intense workouts that are fun. Just to show you that you really don't need to go to the gym to get an amazing workout.

I am trying to incorporate more functional and body weight training into my workouts since I am going to start training for another race in October. It will probably be the most intense and challenging race yet.

It is only 3.3 miles but it has a full course bootcamp style obstacle course. My daughter said "why do you want to do that.....I am not coming to watch you get hurt". Honestly, this will be more of a mental challenge than anything. I am driven by the intensity and opportunity to grow stronger and braver. :) I know I can do it and I am SUPER excited.

I will also be raising money for St. Jude's children hospital leading up to race day. I hope you join my efforts and make a contribution when the time comes. Every dollar counts and goes towards an amazing cause. I will give you more info when I am ready to start excepting donations.

Here is a video of the race I am doing in October:

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Where I Am At

I have been dealing with some kind of stomach bug or something for the past 2 weeks or so. I am not sure what it was or is but it had me down for too long. I knew that it was important to listen to my body and give it the time it needed to heal and rebuild.

I was given advice by my friend to fight poison with poison. What he was saying is for me to eat things I wouldn't normally eat to shock my immune system. He says sometimes when you are good all the time you lower your immune system.

So the last two weeks I have been resting and having quality time with my daughter. We watched lots of movies, played video games, made crafts and just laid in bed while conversating about life.

I actually loved these moments of relaxation so I don't mind that I gained some weight....LOL! I not only rested but I also ate a lot of food. I enjoyed stuff like ice cream sundaes (non dairy of course), baked french fries, bread, chips, pizza, cereal and milkshakes. :)

Yep! I enjoyed them but I am happy to be back to my normal eating plan. I know that my body feels best eating healthy but the occasional "off schedule" meal is okay too. It's best to be healthy and happy than healthy and deprived....LOL!

I haven't been working out for almost 2 weeks so I was happy to workout last night and this morning. I am going to ease my way back into working out since I am still healing. Prior to getting sick I was doing Insanity 5-6 days a week. I think that was another contributor to my illness.

I am not knocking the program but it's not for everyone. I think it important to listen to your body and do what it wants rather than forcing it to change. Of course you need to challenge yourself but if you do something you love it is more beneficial.

I did love the intensity of Insanity but I also hated it. I didn't look forward to the workouts at all. They are too hard on my body. So I have opted to stop the program...AGAIN! and do what I love. I might incorporate some of the Insanity workouts during the week but not everyday.

So that is my update on my status and healing process. :) I am happy where I am. Thanks for checking in on me.

Oh and if you have time visit my facebook page and "LIKE" it. :)

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Inspired and Motivated

Inspiration makes you dream!

1. stimulation to do creative work: stimulation for the human mind to creative thought or to the making of art
2. somebody or something that inspires: somebody or something that inspires somebody to creative thought or to the making of art
3. creativeness: the quality of being stimulated to creative thought or activity, or the manifestation of this.

Motivation makes you moves towards the dream!

1. giving of reason to act: the act of giving somebody a reason or incentive to do something
2. enthusiasm: a feeling of enthusiasm, interest, or commitment that makes somebody want to do something, or something that causes such a feeling
3. reason: a reason for doing something or behaving in a particular way

My cousin tagged me in her blog and asked me to share images of the bodies that inspire me to be fit. When I thought about it a little more I realized that there are bodies that inspire me and those that motivate me.

There are bodies that inspire me to want to be fit but that is not enough to get up and work hard. What moves me into action is very different then what inspires me.

I am inspired by these bodies because they stimulate my mind and create a fire within me because this is what I dream of my body looking like. I love a toned, lean and strong physique.

Monica Brant

Jaime Eason

Dana Linn Bailey

These bodies motivate me to get up and put in the work for different reasons.

I am motivated to be my best so that I can inspire others to move towards their own dreams!
I am motivated by those that overcome adversity to pursue their dreams!
I am motivated to know that it's never too late to achieve my dreams!

Some of my other motivations not pictured: confidence, discipline and dedication, my daughter, God and the people that have followed my journey and encourage me to keep pushing to achieve my dreams!

Monday, June 18, 2012

The Fat That Healed Me

"Fat and water storage are your body's way of protecting you from poisonous toxins by diluting them and storing them in water and fat. This is often the reason why people can't lose weight.

The highly intelligent immune system will not allow the removal of excess fat and water if the level of toxins that is stored in the fat and water may put your life in jeopardy by their release into the bloodstream."

With many people it is not the diet that needs to be fixed but rather the spirit that needs to be healed. Whether you have endured sexual, physical, or emotional is often carried in the subconscious. Weight often becomes a way to hide and deal with the pain that is hidden deep within. Until the emotions can be released the weight will remain on the body.

The weight represents the pain and emotions associated with the abuse. The weight often is a safe place to hide from the world. It becomes a coping mechanism that allows you to continue to go through life.....without truly living.

Trapped beneath the layers of fat also lies your fullest potential, your joy and your freedom to be who you were created to be. What we most fear is not that we won’t lose weight, but that we will become beautiful and attractive.

Trapped within the fat are the poisons of your past. The toxins that cause you to think that you are less than you are and that you are not worthy of being happy and free. Before you can release the weight you must detoxify your mind.

You must release the negative thoughts, pain, disappointments, poor self image and low self esteem. You must awaken to the truth that you are beautiful and powerful beyond the superficial. That is what allows you to take the steps towards healing your body from the abuse and finally releasing the weight that has been crushing your potential.

Why have I struggled for so long?

Releasing the weight prematurely could have killed you. It could have caused the toxins to enter into the bloodstream or the rest of your life and poison it. Therefore the fat that you hate is what has been keeping you alive. It has allowed you to gently heal from the pain. Releasing each negative thought slowly.

It has caused you to look at life differently. Challenged you to see yourself in a different light. Made you dig deeper within yourself to find your worth. Kept you from selling yourself short and settling for less than you deserve.

The fat has kept you at the detoxing phase of life. Once you allow the truth to purify will begin to release the weight.

Where do I start?

You start by opening your heart again and allowing it to speak. We often close our hearts in order to protect them from being hurt. When we close our hearts we close ourselves to love. We don't allow ourselves to love others or ourselves.

We often associate love with pain. We would rather be abrasive, stand offish and alone than to let anyone in our world. We often hide from the people and happiness because we are too afraid to have meaningful and intimate relationships.

Learning to love and accept love is what will help heal your soul. It will begin to open up a new world that you never thought was possible. Love is who we are. We can't fully be ourselves without it.

Friday, June 15, 2012

Expanding My Knowledge

I have been working on my learning experiences that I need to complete for my final exam to become a certified fitness trainer. Today I researched the link between "cancer and exercise". I read several abstracts from research that had been done documenting the benefits of exercise and cancer patients.

That is a subject that is close to my heart because my mother and mother in law are both cancer survivors. My mom had a brain tumor over 5 years ago and my mother in law had breast cancer over 10 years ago.

Understanding the way my passion can help a patient recover and rehabilitate after such a devastating disease is very interesting to me. I learned so much today and really want to learn so much more.

There is a course that can actually be taken to help certify you to specifically work with cancer patients. This may be a course that I will take in the future to help broaden my knowledge of fitness and help impact more lives.

It was amazing to me how much I learned about cancer and the benefits of exercise pertaining to survivorship. The benefits of exercise mirror the negative side affects of cancer treatment. Meaning that exercise can help improve the quality of life for cancer patients during and after treatment. It can also help prevent the recurrence of cancer.

Exercise also helps with many of the common symptoms of cancer including but not limited to: fatigue, muscle loss, depression, anxiety, sleep loss, appetite loss, increase in body fat and triglycerides.

It is sad that there are so many benefits but such a lack of resources. Many patients are not aware of the benefits and often accept a lower quality of life. Others may feel intimidated by the whole gym experience after suffering such a debilitating disease. Some may not have the financial resources or motivation to embark on the journey.

So I pray that I can help impact their lives at some point in my career. I will begin by rehabilitating my mom and mother in law. God always has a plan....

It's funny how God will lay everything out plain as day when you open your eyes and follow your heart.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

What am I lacking?

I had this revelation last night about desires and the things I feel I am lacking. Since starting this new path towards holistic nutrition I have had to become more in tune with my body. Like I have mentioned before I know that the food cravings we have can often be linked to a deeper desire in our soul.

For me it has always been sweets. I love anything sugary and sweet. If I look at it at a deeper level I know that sweets are associated with LOVE. We were often given sugary treats when we were kids to make us feel better. Sweets are also given to children as rewards.

So for me the craving for sweets can be linked to my desire to feel love. Since I have been through child abuse, abandonment, rejection and infidelity my soul seeks love and acceptance. The desire to feel loved, worthy, valued, nurtured, validated, accepted where all the emotions I was trying to satisfy with food.

I learned this during a meeting with my business partner John. He is a very wise soul that practices nutrition and has a very in depth wisdom about our cravings and desires. He studied nutrition from the Institute of Integrative Nutrition. The same school I will be studying from.

Last night I had another realization when I thought about where I carry most of my weight. I have slim limbs but tend to carry the majority of my weight in my stomach. I thought about that part of the body and what it represents. NURTURING!

When a woman is pregnant she carries and nurtures her child in her womb. The womb is a place of safety and love for a child. That is something that I lacked in my childhood. I didn't feel safe or loved.

So this reflects exactly what John had already revealed to me. WOW! Isn't that amazing how God uses the body to help uncover some deep truths.

What's even more amazing is that what I thought I lacked I actually have in abundance. God holds nothing back when it comes to His children. The problem is that I must be awaken to this truth and allow the power of it to manifest freely in my life.

I can't get stuck in the world. I can't define myself by what the world says I am or what I should be in order to be loved and accepted. God's love is abundant. God is love. God lives in me. So I have abundant love in me.

Once I awaken and fully accept that truth then I can begin to heal from the past pain. I can begin to make the internal connections that will not only heal my soul but also my body and mind.

Monday, June 11, 2012

I Am Sorry

I am blazing a new trail in my journey to total wellness. Along this new trail I am learning to love and accept my body for what it is. Not just what it looks like but what it does for me. How it moves and carries me through life.

I am acknowledging it sacredness and holiness. I am learning to listen to it and tap into it's innate wisdom. The body although complex is also very simple in it's desires. It seeks to be nurtured and in balance.

Our cravings are often indicators of deeper desires within. Not just chemically but also spiritualy and emotionally. In some cases the imbalance must be addressed in order to feel fully alive.

Food often becomes the silencer of those desires and emotions. Rather than dig deeper within and heal the source of pain we try stuff it. We shut it up and tell ourselves we are not worthy enough to express the way we feel. We are not worthy enough to be nurtured and healed.

This weekend I was inflicted with some kind of illness. I say it was my bodies way of talking to me. So I proceeded to give it time to heal and let it speak to me. I also apologized to it for abusing it. For trying to make it do things that it didn't want to do. For feeding it what I didn't want and for depriving it of what it did want.

It was a very spiritual and liberating thing to do. I realized that for so many years I tried to keep it from feeling pleasure. I focused most of my energy trying to torture it and transform it but didn't allow it time to heal and adapt.

This weekend I allowed myself the space to be free. To eat what my body craved and give it time to heal and relax.

This may seem hookie to some people but this is truth to me. It is something that has shifted my energy and steered me down the path of spiritual, emotional and physical healing.

I will no longer be obsessed with what others percieve to be truth. I will only give energy to those things that ring truth in my heart. Rather than focus on creating the body I have always wanted...I will learn to love and nurture the body I currently have.

Beneath all the flaws and imperfection is a perfect, beautiful and powerful being. I must trust that she knows (my inner Goddess) what is best for me.

I hope you continue to follow my journey and contribute your positive energy to my evolution.

"Love your's the only one you have"

Thursday, June 7, 2012

A New Page

What can I say right now at this moment to express all that is in my heart. I don't know. I will just try to explain in short some of the things I am going through and feeling.

I am working on some business ideas and have been meeting with my partners to discuss our ideas and mission. During this meeting I learned some pretty amazing truths about nutrition, life and fitness.

The reason that they impacted me on such a profound level is because when I first started this blog that was my idea behind it. To not only document my journey to a healthy life but also explore the connection between the spirit, mind and body.

My journey to health began when I seeked God for guidance at a very dark and unhealthy stage of my life. He spoke to my heart and lead me down the path of treating my body as His sacred and Holy Temple.

As I began to explore the depth of that revelation things started to shift in my life. Doors began to open and my entire life began to change for the better.

Fast forward to this day and things have gotten off track. I have been sucked into the world of diets, workout plans and perfect physiques. I lost focus of my true passion. I got distracted and lured into the outer perception of beauty and perfection.

In reality everything in our lives boils down to the spirit. When we are stripped of everything external what are we left with? We are left with essence of who we are. That is really the only thing that matters in this transformation to become a healthier you.

If you became more conscious of your true self beneath the layers of insecurities, fears, doubts, emotions, disappointments, failures, make up and outer facades you would not be limited by them.

You would be leaping over walls, pulling yourself out of trenches and pursuing your passions. Nothing would hold you back from becoming and achieving everything you dream and hope for.

Within us all lies the desire to be happy. Not just ok but truly happy. We often seek external things to make us happy. We are often our happiest when we are doing the things we love and feel free to express who we are without judgement.

What happens when we are our own judge? What happens when we criticize ourselves and inprision ourselves behind the bars of doubt and fear?

Learning who you are and learning to love yourself and be happy with yourself without the external attachments is what breeds success. It is what makes your heart dance and liberates your soul. When you are happy with yourself there is no need to tell yourself what you should and shouldn't eat. No need to make yourself workout and take care of yourself.

You will do it intuitively because you love yourself. You will eat what your body craves. You will find pleasure in nurturing your body through movement and daily exercise.

I am learning so much right now about myself. I am shifting my energy towards a more holistic and spiritual approach to fitness and nutrition. I hope that what I share hear on this blog not only inspires you but also motivates you to make some healthy changes in your life as well.

Remember listen to your knows best. :)

Friday, June 1, 2012

You CAN do it!

I was reminded today that obstacles and difficulties are only percieved by the mind. How we chose to see things often affects the decisions we make. If we percieve something to be too difficult we tend to shy away from pursuing it.

What is sad about this is that we are equipped with everything we need to succeed. Sure we may have some challenges before us. We might even need to recruit the help of others but we have the ability to achieve what ever we put our minds to.

Don't let you limited perception stop you from achieving the things your heart so desperately wants to express. Inside of you is the power to overcome and succeed.

When you feel that frustrating feeling inside. That feeling that tells you there is can do want more. That is your potential screaming to be set free. Stop shutting it up!